I'm sad today. I was sad yesterday and the day before too.

I was just on FaceBook and found some lovely photos of one of my friends. She's done some modelling, including some nude stuff. There are over 700 photos of her posted online. There are fewer than 5 of me posted online (that I know of). In every picture, my friend is smiling or laughing. It occurred to me, it's significant because it speaks to how confident one is and how secure in one's skin you are.

I don't often cry about myself, but today and yesterday I have. Just sad being who I am. This speaks to why I need to explore Mindfulness. It speaks to why I need to work with Zadkiel and the Violet Ray. It speaks to why I need more psychiatric help than I am currently getting. It speaks to why I value my friends so much.

I need to learn not to strive so hard, to learn to be okay being me. F*cking pathetic for a 50 year old.