Here's my first entry in a brand new blog. Don't expect daily updates. My policy is to only ever write when I have something to say.
This is a deliberately anonymous blog. It may seem strange that I am writing about something so intimate as my experiences of CBT in a public forum, but in truth I a) want to record my experience for posterity and b) want to help others understand the process and benefits of accessing counselling.
Am I really a madwoman ? Judge for yourself. I have thoughts and feelings which are reputedly not 'the norm', and sometimes I act on these in ways that may appear bizarre, or indeed 'mad', to others. To you, if you are bothering to read this, they may seem familiar. If they are and you would like to correspond with me about something you have read here leave me a message and an email address and I'll get back to you. I'm really bad at answering / acting in a timely fashion,though, so don't think I am ignoring you or being horrible. Eventually you will hear off me.
This is my first post after my first CBT counselling session. CBT stands for 'Cognitive Behaviour Therapy'. I'll put some links up later for those who need or want to know a bit more about what CBT is, it's theory and practise.
So what happened ?
I went to a medical centre. I met with a stranger, a CBT Therapist (Counsellor). He explained what CBT is and how it works and that I will be doing 'homework'. I told him my life story in the form of a potted history, mostly covering the really shitty stuff that's happened to me and how it all leaves me feeling and how it impacts on my life at present. Together we concluded that CBT might be an effective way to address my needs. We agreed when we'd meet again, how often (weekly) and approximately for how many sessions (12).
I am a bit reluctant to talk in detail, but I guess you need to know what my main issues are. I have low self-esteem, I suffer from depression, I'm subjected to bullying at work, I hover on the fringes of self-harming behaviour and I don't love myself.
The phrase 'Not waving, but drowning' sums me up a lot of the time.
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I watch with interest. I'd be happy to throw you a rope, as well you know. If you need the rope, you know where I am. I won't say who you are, would never break that confidence, but I will admit to knowing you. Non of this is your fault. I make that clear here and now.
ReplyDeleteI would strongly advise you to define 'normal' first before you choose to consider yourself mad...
Hello Love. I haven't defined myself as 'mad', just given others the opportunity to do so if they choose to. 'Mad' is not an entirely negative term in my vocabulary. Too, it can also mean pissed off, which as you know is one of the ways it can apply to me some days, though not often.
ReplyDeleteFor me, 'mad' is close to 'genius', 'creative', 'differently intellected', 'blessed with diverse cognitve gifts' and other terms of that ilk. Plus you know how I adore Giant Rabbits and tea parties.
Thanks for the commment, keep 'em coming :-)